So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
