ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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