Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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