he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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