you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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