that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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