Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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