Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
