I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
