When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
