dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
