I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
