she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
