Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
