he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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