So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
