Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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