i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
