this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
