conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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