i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
