her vagine was all disorganized.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
