Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
