well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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