Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
