I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
