You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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