I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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