dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
