are you so shy because you have an std?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
How's work?
Spinning.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
