But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
