he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My vagina just clenched in fear
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