HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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