You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
