Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
