The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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