i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
