Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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