I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
