does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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