I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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