just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
