I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
