i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
then he tried to convert me to islam
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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