i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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