so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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