i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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