Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
