Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
