I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
