Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
