I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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