I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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