i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
