We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
