I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
