The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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