Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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