How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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