So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
