My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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