Michael Bay diarrhea
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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