Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
