If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
