before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
