Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
