i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
