Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
