My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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