New low: just hacked my moms facebook
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
