i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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