Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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