I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
