we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dicks are not precious.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
