Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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