from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
