so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
