i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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