But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
