he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
