Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
